Talking to Parents & Family About VCUG Trauma
- Unsilenced
- Aug 12
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 14
Navigating Disclosure, Healing, & Boundaries as a VCUG Survivor
Sharing your truth as a VCUG survivor can be incredibly difficult, especially when it involves family members. Whether your parents were directly involved in the procedure or weren’t allowed in the exam room, initiating a conversation about VCUG trauma can bring up feelings of fear, grief, and uncertainty.
If you're struggling to find the right words, you're not alone. Many former patients struggle with if, when, and how to open up to loved ones. In this blog, we offer a supportive guide for navigating these conversations while caring for your own well-being.
Importance of Speaking Your Truth
Living in silence can be a heavy burden to carry. Whether you’re seeking clarity, closure, accountability, or simply want to be believed, every survivor deserves to feel seen and heard.
Talking about your VCUG experience with your family may not change the past, but it can help you reclaim your voice. While being vulnerable can be scary, your lived experience is already valid—regardless of the outcome.
No matter how your parents or loved ones respond to your story, you will always have a safe space with the Unsilenced Movement.
“When people around us don’t acknowledge how an experience was scary and traumatizing, it can make you feel alone and question whether you have a justified reaction to the event.” —former patient
If you’re preparing to share your VCUG experience with your family, you might be thinking:
“They won’t believe me.”
“They’ll get defensive.”
“They’ll say it was necessary.”
“They’ll think I’m overreacting.”
These fears are valid. The good news is that there are ways to emotionally prepare for the conversation ahead and be kind to yourself afterward, no matter how it ends.
As human beings, we are in constant flux. We grow and evolve at different paces, in different ways, at different times. Some loved ones may have a change of heart after overcoming personal hardships or barriers.
When we feel misunderstood, we can take comfort in knowing that this season will not last forever. No matter where your journey takes you, our community is here to walk with you. Your voice matters.
“Take as long as you need before telling your story, it’s yours to tell and you should decide that for yourself... It takes time.” —former patient
You Don’t Owe Anyone Your Story.
Choosing not to talk to someone is just as valid as choosing to speak. If a parent, family member, or caregiver has a pattern of denial, gaslighting, or harm, it’s okay to protect yourself by staying silent.
Your healing is your own.
Your story is yours.
You don't need permission to tell it—or keep it to yourself.
“If you experienced this test as sexual abuse, then that’s your truth. I validate your truth, whatever that may be. …Your trauma is subjective; it’s in the eye of the beholder.” —former patient
Before You Begin: Emotional Preparation
Before initiating the conversation, take time to:
Clarify your intention. Do you want validation? To set a boundary? To correct the narrative? No matter how small, knowing your “why” for the conversation will help you stay grounded, protect your energy, and communicate clearly.
Write it down. Some survivors find it helpful to draft a letter before opening up to family about their VCUG experience. Find what works best for you—whether it’s listing speaking points, journaling, or creating a “memory map” of how VCUG trauma has affected your life.
Practice. It might be helpful to rehearse with a therapist, friend, or support group before initiating a conversation with a parent or relative. This can help you organize your thoughts, manage emotions, and build confidence.
Prepare for any outcome. Some survivors are dismissed or gaslit by the very people they hope will understand. Even if the response is disappointing, your story is still valid.
Starting the Conversation
Here are some phrases that can help open the door:
“There’s something from my childhood I’ve been processing, and I’d like to talk about it with you.”
“I want to share how a medical procedure I went through affected me—and continues to affect me.”
“This might be uncomfortable, but I need you to hear my experience.”
Use “I” statements. Focus on your truth. You don’t have to defend it.
Example: “When I had the VCUG test, I felt violated and terrified. For a long time, I didn’t have the words to explain it, but it’s impacted me deeply—even into adulthood.”
If They React Poorly
Not every conversation will go well. Some people may:
Dismiss your pain
Defend their past choices
Try to explain it away
This can be deeply hurtful, but it is not a reflection of your worth or the validity of your experience.
If you choose to engage, you can say:
“I need you to listen without defending or explaining.”
“I’m not looking to place blame—I just need my experience to be heard.”
“I need space if you’re not willing to hear me right now.”
Protect your peace. You have every right to walk away from a conversation that no longer serves you.
“I know I’m not alone. I know there’s other people out there who went through the same tests and had similar experiences.” —former patient
If They React Supportively
A supportive response might sound like:
“I’m so sorry you went through that.”
“I didn’t know it affected you that way. I want to understand.”
“Thank you for trusting me.”
If this happens, allow yourself to receive it. Healing is possible in relationships when safety and respect are present.
VCUG Resources to Share with Parents & Family
Documentary Films About VCUG Trauma
Many survivors in our community have found it helpful to share our award-winning documentary films with loved ones before speaking in person. If you’re interested, you can stream/share using the links below. Both films are free to stream on YouTube.
Healing Parent-Child Relationships After VCUG Trauma
Additionally, one of our founders wrote an impactful blog geared toward fellow parents of VCUG survivors titled “Healing Your Relationship with Your Child After VCUG Trauma.” You might find it helpful to share this link with parents or loved ones.
Compiled VCUG Research About VCUG Trauma
There is a wealth of research equating VCUG trauma to child sex abuse (CSA). You can explore critically appraised studies on our website, all of which support the high potential for medical and sexual trauma after VCUGs.
“Sometimes the realization that our childhoods were not normal due to VCUG just hits extra hard.” —former patient
You’re Not Alone
Our community exists to support and uplift survivors like you. If you're unsure where to start, consider:
Reading survivor testimonies.
Joining our virtual support group.
Healing through creative writing or art.
Connecting on the VCUG Unsilenced subreddit.
Sharing your story with the Unsilenced Movement.
Writing a letter to your family, even if you never send it.
Talking to your family about VCUG trauma can be an act of radical courage. Whether or not they understand, you know your truth.
The simple act of using your voice—of acknowledging the harm and injustice you suffered—is a powerful step toward healing, forgiveness, and peace.
When you reclaim your story, you protect the child who deserved to be protected back then.
And that is more than enough.