Johanna

I started having bladder infections at the age of 9 months. The cause was not diagnosed then. I was given increasingly strong antibiotics, but they did more harm than that they would have helped (for example they made my teeth hollow from their inside). I had to see doctors very frequently and my mum was very anxious. My parents were having serious relationships issue during my childhood and my dad was hardly available for me. At the age of 6, vesicoureteral reflux was suspected and I had to undergo the first VCUG which confirmed the diagnose. My left ureter was operated and after that I started having issues on the right side (until then, mainly my left side had been affected and my left kidney is smaller then my right one since then). So half a year later, my right ureter was operated. But the operation didn’t go well, they had made a mistake with the anaesthesia and I was also infected by pseudomonas during the operation. I also got pyelonephritis after that and had to be in the hospital again. I kept having problems with my bladder and kidneys until we found a homoeopath with whose helped I finally improved. My bladder and kidneys have been fine since then. I have been having severe depressions since my childhood, I was diagnosed with dependent personality disorder, emotionally unstable personality disorder and I am yet to clarify a diagnose regarding an autism spectrum disorder. I have been having major issues with relationships, my first relationship was an affair with a much older married man who groomed me at a very young age and my following relationships were similar. I am unable to set healthy limits in every regard. I often felt as if I had been raped when I had sex with men. I always have a sense of not being safe in this world and I have major issues with social life due to my trust issues. I have anxiety states when I fear being abandoned and I often feel extremely lonely. I am 38 and I haven’t had a relationship for six years.