Christine

I had one VCUG procedure as a 4 year old; but I didn’t know about it until I was 26 years old. That was when I finally found the courage to ask my mom if she knew about anything that might have happened to me as a child. For years, I struggled with mental illness and was afraid that I might have been a victim of CSA. I couldn't remember a specific incident, but my reactions to certain things as a child and as an adult made me suspicious. It was like I could see the ripples of something bad that happened in my past, but I didn't know what stone dropped to cause them. The first dream I ever remember having was a recurring nightmare where I, as a small child, was forced to pee in a room full of leering adult men. Seems pretty literal to me now… I think the scariest thing for me was not knowing what had happened, but still feeling like there was something deeply wrong with me. When my mom told me about the VCUG, I knew it was the cause of so much fear, anxiety, and depression that I had battled my entire life. She said they chose to do the procedure because I had a UTI that was only found during a routine checkup, where I was otherwise asymptomatic. Her mom had struggled with bladder issues for much of her life, so they wanted to make sure there wasn't anything anatomically wrong. It is a relief to know now what happened to me. But at the same time, I still think about the little girl whose innocence was completely warped because of this medical procedure. She didn’t deserve that.