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Ava
An Unsilenced Survivor Story
"They brought me into the room in a gown, and tried to do the entire procedure without sedation. All I could do was cry. I felt scared, and exposed. They couldn’t get the catheter in. A bunch of student doctors and people came in while they were still trying, and I immediately sat up, covering myself. They laid me back down, and uncovered me. I cried even more. I was grateful when they finally sedated me."
Hello, I am having recurring memories from when I was nine years old and had this procedure ordered by my male urologist. I am a female, and was already traumatized by my mother taking me to a 50+ year old man and having him poke around at my privates.
When he explained what this test was, I started crying. They brought me into the room in a gown, and tried to do the entire procedure without sedation. My mom was there. All I could do was cry. I felt scared, and exposed. They couldn’t get the catheter in. A bunch of student doctors and people came in while they were still trying, and I immediately sat up, covering myself.
They laid me back down, and uncovered me. I cried even more. I was grateful when they finally sedated me. When I finally woke up, I apparently said something funny? I can’t remember. But, what I do know is that my mother recorded it. A traumatizing event like that plus getting home and having your entire family watch a video of you waking up from anesthesia and ask where your pants are, was too much.
Many years later, today, I have trouble sleeping, and whenever I think about this test, all the fear and confusion of younger me comes rushing back. I thought I was the only one until I decided to research.
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