Sara

I had a VCUG every year from birth until I was 8. I am 43 now and to this day I want to vomit every time I think of the brown soap they used to clean my genitals. I have panic attacks whenever I hear a Dr say, put your feet/legs in the butterfly position. The stabbing pain I felt from the catheter is something I can't forget. My body can't forget. Not only was it painful during the procedure but I could not bare to walk or sit for 24 to 48 hrs after because it hurt so badly. Aside from the pain, it awakened feelings and unwanted natural responses in my body that never should've been awakened at that age. I cannot talk to my Dr about going to the Gynecologist without crying. I cannot have pap smears or internal ultrasounds done without weeks of emotional prep ahead of time. They tried giving me Valium this last time and it did nothing for me. They told me going forward I will need to be sedated for a pap because my trauma responses are so intense. These procedures are why I never learned to wear a tampon, I was always so fearful that it would hurt like a catheter did. Drs told my parents I wouldn't remember my VCUGs. I remember everything. The hospital gowns, the table, the Dr's and nurses holding me down, staring at my naked body, taking pictures and watching me urinate on myself. No one talked to me about them, no one asked me how I felt because "they're no big deal."